There's a lady in a posh neighborhood who owes $1 million on her house (which is now probably worth only $42.50, thank you very much bad loan policies). And, surprise surprise, she doesn't have the wherewithal to make the payments.
So she decides to sell an item of value: her dead husband.
GAH! you say?
Okay, I'm exaggerating. She's not selling her dead husband. She's selling her dead husband's grave. On e-Bay. Meaning that if she sells it, she's going to have to move hubby somewhere else.
Well, I'm all for a little sacrifice in time of need (after all, as my wife so often points out, it WAS me who tried putting our son in a bowl and pouring milk all over him during the Great Froot Loops Draught of '08). But REALLY. And what does she think she's going to get for this marvelous piece of treasure.
Well, at last count on eBay: something like $4.5 MILLION dollars.
Now, before all of you go looking for one of your less-liked relatives to dig up and sell off their "final" resting place, you should know that this woman's husband's grave had something a bit unusual about it.
No, it wasn't full of solid gold iguanas.
Rather, it was right next to Marilyn Monroe's grave. In fact, it was part of a two-fer set that MM got with her (then) husband Joe DiMaggio. When they divorced, Joe got rid of "his side of the bed," as it were.
NOW the $4.5 million bid starts to make sense.
Or does it?
I mean, $4.5 million to lay next to this for eternity?
Okay, I can see that appealing to some people.
But the fact is, it's been a while. So $4.5 million to lay next to this?
Less so.
We have all gone crazy. People are trying to push a new health care system that hasn't even been read by most of the people pushing it. People are buying big screen TVs to go in the houses they can't afford. People are pouring milk over their children when they're out of Froot Loops (see, no one is blameless).
And in this time where everyone is hurting (or at least complaining that they're hurting), we still have people who can manage to find $4.5 million to spend in order to be buried next to The Mummy.
Darwin was clearly wrong on some points. Because anyone with any sense at all would put their $4.5 million into something with a little bit better return on investment. Like butter futures or something.
Then again, whenever anyone asks me (as they so often do), "How did we ever get into this mess," I will no longer look at them blankly and go "Wha?"
I will merely say, "Marilyn Monroe's Mummy."
And my conversation partner will nod and leave. For no more, at that point, will need to be said.
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2 comments:
Marilyn was buried in a mausoleum above ground, and here's my very favorite part - the dead husband was buried face down above Marilyn. All of a sudden the price tag doesn't seem quite as steep. :)
Gosh, one cannot even RIP without some "land speculator" snatching up the site of the next "eternal resting place". It's a grave problem indeed. I've heard that cemeteries are already raising their prices.
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